"Love Me Like You Used To"

If you're a friend of mine, the title of this blog surely had you singing. Yes, my sweet Tanya Tucker sang it best: "Love me like you used to, when our love was  brand new..." Aside from being the coolest woman ever, this song of my girl Tanya's really kicks A%$@. I'll be honest, this post is going to be difficult for me to write because it's super convicting. I'll start here: sometimes I go through old pictures. I'm sentimental, I'm a female, and to top off the craziness, I am pregnant. Now, most of the time when I look through my old photos, I'm looking at how I've aged, how much weight I've gained, how different my life was then, and how some of my college habits did not serve me well (thank you, Nerium and the YMCA for trying to help).  But here lately, these pictures have struck another chord...and let me tell you, it has made me do a lot of reflecting. I've been seeing some pictures of Nate and I in the early days, specifically before we had children. And can I just be honest and say what we all know to be true? Having a baby changes you...it changes your marriage....it changes your life. I'm not talking about all the perfect moments like when you see them for the first time or when you first hear those sweet words like "mommy" and "da-da." I'm talking about when you aren't sleeping enough and when they crap on you just before you walk out to family Christmas, or when you are both so very exhausted that whoever ends up giving the nighttime bath is secretly resenting the other. It's hard. It's wonderful and the best thing ever, but it is hard. It changes the whole dynamic. Your priorities shift, and you don't really have any idea where any of them are supposed to go anymore. There are days when the house is clean and laundry is done and supper is cooked and when Nate gets home, I still have so much energy and we talk about our day and play outside with Redding and life is straight up out of a Hallmark movie. Then there are days when I feel like those women on the ID channel, and when he gets home, I have nothing left. Literally nothing. Like not even enough energy to talk about how I spent the day juggling real estate, tantrums, and didn't even brush my teeth. It's real life, folks, and if yours doesn't look like that, then please don't comment, because we probably won't ever be friends that hang out. Let me shift gears back to the photos. I have noticed these lovebirds in these photos, and while some change is normal and acceptable and even for the better, some change is not. I have recently looked at these photos and yearned for the old me. I have yearned for that wife who put her husband first. I'm not always good at that anymore, and he gets what's left. And to be quite honest, that's not ok. It's not just "not ok".....it's not biblical. I may be a little old-fashioned in what I believe and how I operate, but here's what Jesus says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word"- Ephesians 5:22-33.  Now look, don't go getting all "new age" on me and tell me that it's not your responsibility to cook and clean and keep the youngins'....If that's how you interpret it, I have no beef with that because I love a good house-wife....I'm aiming to be one :). But in another aspect, I think this means so much more. I'm talking about honor and respect. I'm talking about how we talk to our men, how we show them love and respect, not only in front of others....but behind closed doors as well. I'm talking about honoring them, even when you may not agree with their decision. I'm talking about seeing their efforts, their works, and thanking them. My husband works his tail off...all the time. One time one of our close friends said this: "Nate works harder and more than anyone I know." It didn't hit home with me right when he said it, but it has echoed in my head on several occasions. It's true. He does. He works tirelessly in the cold weather, hot weather, in smelly plants and factories, out of state sometimes, and around dangerous equipment. He works long hours, never really knows what time he will be off, and sometimes he works without a day off. He leaves before we (or the sun) gets up, and when he comes home, he's tired. I see it in his eyes. But you know what he doesn't do....complain. He just does it. He does it and then he comes home and he plays with Redding and often times he gives him a bath and gives me a few minutes to myself. And he still doesn't complain. Your husband may wear a suit and tie and work in an office, but I guarantee you he's tired too. Maybe you're good at it, but I need to be better. I need to be better at honoring and submitting and respecting. One thing I like to write in a lot of the cards I have given Nate over the years is the Tupac lyrics I changed a little to say, "It's me and you against the world, baby." Gosh, I'm referencing some really great musical geniuses in this post :) But for real, I have to remind myself of this a lot. It's SO FREAKING TRUE in a marriage. You're a team. For better, for worse, for financial struggles, for dreams that are crushed, for career changes, for family additions, for sickness, for health, for disagreements, for those sleepless nights....for it all. You are a team. We've talked before about how if I try to focus on loving him and putting him first, and he does the same for me....well, it really takes care of itself. Kindess, patience, gentle actions, humility....guess what??....they generate kindness, patience, gently actions, humility. See how that works? It's not hard. Does it require effort some days? Yes, absolutely. But it's totally worth it. You're a team...partners in crime...whatever you want to call it. But it's the way it is, and you didn't get stuck with each other. Wives, he CHOSE you. Think about that. You aren't the only woman in the world. You may think you are the best one, but you aren't the only one. Husbands, she CHOSE you. Think about that. We live in a place where we can pick our partners, and thank God for that. But, remember that. Tackle problems together...as a team. Talk about issues together....as a team. Hug each other, congratulate each other, tell other's how awesome your spouse is. Praise them, support them, and never, ever stop being on their side. Ecclesiates 4:9- "Two are better than one..."  1 Peter 4:8: "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."
Two are better than one, y'all....and guess what... if you are married, there are two of you! Hallelujah...we have a forever team! We have a partner, someone always on our side, someone to love us and cherish us...really cherish us. This post is serving as a reminder to me to be better at the cherishing part.
Marriage is the most precious, sacred relationship we have on this earth. It should, above all else under Christ, sit at the top of our priority list. In placing this holy union where it is supposed to go, we can find ease in being good at everything under it (parenting, being a friend, being a good employee, and the list goes on). It should not come 10th or even 2nd. It's not easy, and gosh I suck at it sometimes, but it is the most important thing for us to nurture and love. We must do this...God commands it, and our homes are thirsty for it.

Nate, I love you. With everything I have in me, I love you. I respect you, and I think you are the coolest man on the earth. I want to renew my promise to you that I will submit to you, support you, and always be on your side. I want to be a better wife. I will spend the rest of my life trying to do that. I love you more today than I ever thought I could love someone, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. It's me and you against the world, baby...


Speaking of babies, check out these two lovebirds circa 2008...