Bloom

Fall has arrived and it’s my favorite. I love the crisp morning air, coffee, football, fairs, and all the holidays. It’s a busy time of year for our family... for every family, I suppose. All the activities have left me with little time to be in the quiet in thought and prayer, and after a while, the drought makes you thirsty. This season of life has been incredibly draining for me. Most of you know I went back to work teaching this year and Nate stared a business. I thought I would’ve been home until our kids started school, but the choice was ours, and I felt the calling to return. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve questioned whether or not my discernment was off... was my heart in tune? Did I hear you wrong, Jesus? 

It’s.been.so.hard. 

Now is probably a good time for all you moms who are rolling your eyes to stop reading, because many of you have done it since your baby was 6 weeks old, and for you, allllllll the hugs. I mean it. We work hard and we leave our babes and we just do it, because it’s what we have to do. I was blessed to be home for most of Redding’s pre-school years, and for that, I am incredibly grateful. I am fully aware that it’s an opportunity not everyone has, and I am humbled by that. But here I am. I’m leaving them. Every.single.day.of.the.week. I often feel like I’m failing. I feel defeated. I feel guilty. I feel sad. I guess we all do at some point or another. I keep waiting on it to get better, but it’s not. Some mornings I pry their tiny fingers off my sweater as I’m leaving, while they cry “mommy, mommy, please don’t go.” 

Sounds dramatic, I know... because, it is. It’s so hard. I want to be strong and have breakfast and pray with them and leave with kisses and “have a good day,” but let’s be honest, how many mornings are like that? Most are spent rushed, looking for socks and trying to explain for the hundredth time to Redding why I can’t take him to school or why I can’t cuddle with him for “just one more minute mommy.” It turns my stomach more than a night of one too many glasses of wine and Taco Bell. 

It sucks, and anyone who says it doesn’t is lying or they are not my people. I feel like everything is so rushed... rush to school, rush home, rush to finish dinner so we can rush to an evening obligation.. When Redding asks why, sometimes I don’t know how to respond because heck, I don’t know why either.

But the truth is, we always see the grass as greener. If you’re working, you wish you were at home. And working moms, don’t think there weren’t many days I looked and envied your lunch hour and adult conversations when I was staying at home. It’s a challenge no matter what you are doing and where you are. When God places our feet in a certain place, we go there and we walk (or at least we try) and even if moving looks like one foot in front of the other or literally one day at a time (I’m there, I get it), we still follow. We must bloom where we are planted, as cheesy as that sounds. 

Maybe you were planted in a beautiful garden with rich soil, or maybe you feel like a seed in the dessert, waiting on the rain. We have to believe that no matter where we are, we must look for ways to bloom... opportunities... because, well,  He planted us there. I don’t know how long you’ll be there. Perhaps this is a brief season full of hard lessons learned or maybe you’re in a long season of rich blessing. No matter where we are, we have to believe and trust that He wants good for his children in every season, in all the conditions... seasons of plenty of joy and rich soil, and seasons of dry when you’re standing in the middle of it all crying out for the rain. HE WANTS GOOD FOR US. Bloom where you are planted.