I'm Starting to Breathe
So the baby is here in case you haven't seen the million pictures I've posted on social media...sorry, not sorry. We welcomed Nathaniel "Redding" Sapp into our crazy lives on October 21st. He weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz and he is most definitely the most amazing thing I've ever laid eyes on.
But holy moly Batman...those first couple of weeks are pretty crazy! I guess it's some sort of sick joke that experienced moms don't tell you about the mother recovery period after labor, but it's not a lot of fun. The best part is that while your back, crotch, and belly hurt, along with being sleep deprived, hunger deprived, and shower deprived is that you have this amazing life in your arms, and when you look at them, you could really care less about all the other things that once seemed like a necessity. I seriously never knew how selfish I was until I looked into his eyes and realized that I no longer cared so much about what I wanted and realized there wasn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for him. It is just the best thing. Ever. We are slowly starting to fall into some sort of routine. The first few days were a blur of me sitting in the recliner with my boobs out, feeling much like a cow feeding him on his 'all you can eat buffet' schedule. If I wasn't feeding, I was pumping, and I felt like a milk factory. I realized when I looked at my boobs that they were no longer mine...not something to be admired but instead, they served a purpose...to feed him. As I so graciously told Nate..someone had stolen my tits. For the first time in my life I had boobs...and the person who loved them the most was my newborn son. Crazy. I mean the whole breast feeding thing is natural and good for them and it's free, but did I mention how bizarre it is to use a pump with a motor to actually draw milk out of those things? I mean, seriously...that can be traumatizing. But, after days of learning the latch and pump and learning when he really was hungry, we have kind-of figured out this breastfeeding thing. I really am a milk machine and I'm rocking that part of being a mom...If I don't do anything else right, this boy is fed well :) To make things even better, he likes sleeping in his crib...and we like it too. I didn't want to move him in there because there was quite a sense of peace with him right beside me in the bassinet, but I also heard every single movement and grunt. Plus he farts a lot. We all sleep better now. Nate is a great dad, getting lots of cuddle time in when he gets home from work each day, and he's been super awesome to me as a husband. I cannot imagine the things that he will never be able to unsee, but despite it all, he loves me even more than he did. I see the way he looks at me and our son, and I know I have definitely scored big time. I seriously don't know when I could have stopped taking those Percocet they sent me home with if it wasn't for him :) He's been a life-saver. I got so tired of hearing the famous quote, "Parenting is the hardest, but most rewarding job you will ever have," but it is ringing true. It's challenging and scary and fun and exhausting. It's the best thing we've done, and I literally cannot stop staring at him. When we walked outside yesterday, the wind was strong and it hit his face. It took his breath a little, and I couldn't help but think that was the first time he had felt the wind strong against his face....what that must feel like for the first time... and when I looked down at his sweet face as it took his breath, I realized that it is now that I am just starting to live...I am just starting to breathe. Thank God for little miracles.
But holy moly Batman...those first couple of weeks are pretty crazy! I guess it's some sort of sick joke that experienced moms don't tell you about the mother recovery period after labor, but it's not a lot of fun. The best part is that while your back, crotch, and belly hurt, along with being sleep deprived, hunger deprived, and shower deprived is that you have this amazing life in your arms, and when you look at them, you could really care less about all the other things that once seemed like a necessity. I seriously never knew how selfish I was until I looked into his eyes and realized that I no longer cared so much about what I wanted and realized there wasn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for him. It is just the best thing. Ever. We are slowly starting to fall into some sort of routine. The first few days were a blur of me sitting in the recliner with my boobs out, feeling much like a cow feeding him on his 'all you can eat buffet' schedule. If I wasn't feeding, I was pumping, and I felt like a milk factory. I realized when I looked at my boobs that they were no longer mine...not something to be admired but instead, they served a purpose...to feed him. As I so graciously told Nate..someone had stolen my tits. For the first time in my life I had boobs...and the person who loved them the most was my newborn son. Crazy. I mean the whole breast feeding thing is natural and good for them and it's free, but did I mention how bizarre it is to use a pump with a motor to actually draw milk out of those things? I mean, seriously...that can be traumatizing. But, after days of learning the latch and pump and learning when he really was hungry, we have kind-of figured out this breastfeeding thing. I really am a milk machine and I'm rocking that part of being a mom...If I don't do anything else right, this boy is fed well :) To make things even better, he likes sleeping in his crib...and we like it too. I didn't want to move him in there because there was quite a sense of peace with him right beside me in the bassinet, but I also heard every single movement and grunt. Plus he farts a lot. We all sleep better now. Nate is a great dad, getting lots of cuddle time in when he gets home from work each day, and he's been super awesome to me as a husband. I cannot imagine the things that he will never be able to unsee, but despite it all, he loves me even more than he did. I see the way he looks at me and our son, and I know I have definitely scored big time. I seriously don't know when I could have stopped taking those Percocet they sent me home with if it wasn't for him :) He's been a life-saver. I got so tired of hearing the famous quote, "Parenting is the hardest, but most rewarding job you will ever have," but it is ringing true. It's challenging and scary and fun and exhausting. It's the best thing we've done, and I literally cannot stop staring at him. When we walked outside yesterday, the wind was strong and it hit his face. It took his breath a little, and I couldn't help but think that was the first time he had felt the wind strong against his face....what that must feel like for the first time... and when I looked down at his sweet face as it took his breath, I realized that it is now that I am just starting to live...I am just starting to breathe. Thank God for little miracles.
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